Harpootlian says he's 'handcuffed' in opposing Clintons' 'Eddie Haskell' campaign

"We're handcuffed," moans Dick Harpootlian about his role in "truth-squadding" Bill Clinton's whoppers about Obama.

"I'm ready to rip 'em a new one," he says, but the Obama campaign is holding him back. But entirely, though, this being Dick.

"I've dubbed the Clinton campaign the 'Eddie Haskell Campaign,' for claiming to want to run a clean campaign, then trashing Obama in the next breath. It's like they're saying, "Nice dress, Mrs. Cleaver," and as soon as she leaves the room, "Hey, Beav, your Mom looks like s__t." He says the strategy clearly is to turn voters off enough to suppress turnout.

So how, exactly, is Dick being restrained? "No one's talked about 8 years in the White House," he says. OK, Dick, so what about their 8 years in the White House?

Dick says he can't say. Apparently, if he does, Mom and Dad will give him the business.

On a personal note, let me add that today is Dick's birthday, and he's 59. I guess that's why he's expected to act all grown up and stuff now. This has him saying unDicklike things such as, "I really, really, really was shocked at the tactics they've employed in recent weeks."

Next thing ya know, he'll be referring to Lumpy as "Clarence."